Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I touched a dick in church today
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
