just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
