You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
