how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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