Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
