Joe is yelling at the trees again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
