I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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