Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
