the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
