She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
