The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
