mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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