dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We're too hungover to prance.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize