Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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