Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
