I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
