He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
