I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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