Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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