if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
