pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
