I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
