why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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