when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
