A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
