So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
