I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize