You just made me feel so damn special
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
