Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
