2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
