Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
