i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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