Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
