I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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