nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
