I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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