If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
