Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
