Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
