last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
