That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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