cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
