Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
