the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
