break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
