It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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