ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
