you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
