cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
