champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
