I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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