i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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