She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
