Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
