Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
