just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
