he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
