omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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