She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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