i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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