Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
