You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Houston, we have a blender
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
