Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
