I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize