I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
