Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
