I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
