we have officially lost it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
