We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize