before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
