She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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