If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
