So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
