tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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