Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
