I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
