Only a mothe r could love this liver
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
