I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Acid is not a monday night drug
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
