Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
