We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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