Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
