i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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