Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
